Unusual Judgment

Once a poet from Nepal went to a foreign country to take part in a conference of poets. The security guard did not let him in because he thought he was a gatecrasher. Later on at the programme, when it was time to present the felicitation, the poet changed into formal attire and went to the venue. This time the guard let him. The sole reason the poet was not allowed to enter before was because

he was not wearing a suit, tie and shining black shoes like the others. This is not a story about an unknown citizen, but the great poet Laxmi Prasad Devkota. I heard this story from our teacher when I was in school.

Just two years ago, we were at a programme which had been organised in one of the famous schools in Lalitpur. The beauty of the programme was that everyone was speaking English and most of them were Nepalis. Overall, we enjoyed the programme. Finally, it was time for high tea. We were at the back planning for our programme when one of the Nepalis came and told us to take high tea in pure Nepali with an American accent as if we did not understand English. We replied in English, and he was having different non-verbal action that we were familiar with spoken English like his. The reason for his Nepali may be we were wearing a simple kurtha which is compulsory during our field work.

A similar thing happened just this week. We were in a café discussing our exams, and the waiter was not giving a single glance at the women who were in a similar condition like ours which I mentioned above. Though the women were calling him again and again, he was busy serving high standard guests.

These stories I mentioned above remind me of a saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” I would like to ask those who believe in the price tags of fancy branded clothes and shining shoes. Yes, in some cases, we need to judge people’s personality by their grooming and all; but is it always fair to compare the dress and people?

These things can happen at different shopping centres too. When a customer comes in wearing a different type of attire than that of the people living in the city, the shopkeeper does not treat them properly and hesitates to show the materials asked.

Everyone pays for what they need, so why do shopkeepers behave differently towards those people, why do waiters ignore them and why do intelligent men act differently towards us? Was Devkota a poet only when he wore a suit, tie and shining shoes? Of course not, he was a poet with or without a tie, suit and shoes. Nevertheless, the outer covering is what is valued and respected rather that the person wearing it.

A woman's Worth

Tears rolled down my face after reading the news that a rural woman was murdered because her family was unable to provide the television and buffalo for her dowry. By the time the crime was reported her husband and in-laws had already escaped from the village.  This is not the first time I read such news. But this time I asked myself what the groom’s family got after she died. The answer, of course, is nothing. So what was the worth of this murder? Even worse, for every report like this that we read in the news, there are probably many more that never come to light.

Two years back there was a marriage ceremony planned in my neighbourhood. Everything was prepared and just four or five days remained before the wedding when the groom’s family demanded a motorcycle and some jewelry. The bride’s family had no choice but to fulfill the demands made at the 11th hour. As both families were educated residents of Kathmandu, such demands could be met and the crisis that befell the poor bride mentioned earlier averted. Still, one has to be surprised that such dowry demands are even made by the educated of Kathmandu. The system seems to be prevalent everywhere, but different economic and social circumstances determine how it plays out.

Traditionally, parents used to give something like fuli, earrings or, some land if they have it, to their daughter before her marriage so that she could use these things when in need. The concept of dowry developed from these origins. But the dowry system has evolved as our communities have.

The fear of dowry has now become so great that many parents can no longer feel joy at the birth of a daughter. I have even heard that if the groom is a doctor or engineer, the bride’s family has to pay the amount spent on his studies as a dowry. This is a consideration for parents in deciding when their daughter should marry. Better to do so young, before the groom has a chance to earn such an expensive degree.

I am a girl. There is no denying that I will one day get married. So which material thing should I compare my life with? A television? A motorcycle? Jewelry? Or is my life worth the buffalo that cost the young bride hers?

Why are a woman’s education, skills and achievements not counted as part of the dowry her family pays to the family of the groom? Why must the couple’s happiness depend on what material things she can collect from her maternal home? Why must women continue to belittle their worth and risk their lives in the name of dowry? In time, a couple can buy a television, a motorcycle or even a buffalo. But we can’t return value to a life lost.