A woman's Worth

Tears rolled down my face after reading the news that a rural woman was murdered because her family was unable to provide the television and buffalo for her dowry. By the time the crime was reported her husband and in-laws had already escaped from the village.  This is not the first time I read such news. But this time I asked myself what the groom’s family got after she died. The answer, of course, is nothing. So what was the worth of this murder? Even worse, for every report like this that we read in the news, there are probably many more that never come to light.

Two years back there was a marriage ceremony planned in my neighbourhood. Everything was prepared and just four or five days remained before the wedding when the groom’s family demanded a motorcycle and some jewelry. The bride’s family had no choice but to fulfill the demands made at the 11th hour. As both families were educated residents of Kathmandu, such demands could be met and the crisis that befell the poor bride mentioned earlier averted. Still, one has to be surprised that such dowry demands are even made by the educated of Kathmandu. The system seems to be prevalent everywhere, but different economic and social circumstances determine how it plays out.

Traditionally, parents used to give something like fuli, earrings or, some land if they have it, to their daughter before her marriage so that she could use these things when in need. The concept of dowry developed from these origins. But the dowry system has evolved as our communities have.

The fear of dowry has now become so great that many parents can no longer feel joy at the birth of a daughter. I have even heard that if the groom is a doctor or engineer, the bride’s family has to pay the amount spent on his studies as a dowry. This is a consideration for parents in deciding when their daughter should marry. Better to do so young, before the groom has a chance to earn such an expensive degree.

I am a girl. There is no denying that I will one day get married. So which material thing should I compare my life with? A television? A motorcycle? Jewelry? Or is my life worth the buffalo that cost the young bride hers?

Why are a woman’s education, skills and achievements not counted as part of the dowry her family pays to the family of the groom? Why must the couple’s happiness depend on what material things she can collect from her maternal home? Why must women continue to belittle their worth and risk their lives in the name of dowry? In time, a couple can buy a television, a motorcycle or even a buffalo. But we can’t return value to a life lost.